Monday, August 29, 2011

The Top 5 Reasons Men Love Sports Teams More Than They Love Women


I've loved the Minnesota Twins since I was about four years old. My parents had bought a 1991 Twins season in review tape, and I wanted to watch the VCR tape so bad one day I taught myself how to work the VCR (This came in handy when my brother and I wanted to watch Terminator 2 on VCR when I was 5 and he was 4). I probably watched that tape more than a thousand times. In other words, I loved the Minnesota Twins before I was attending kindergarten. I first loved the Vikings in 1998 and the Timberwolves in 1999. The first girl I loved? Like 2005. I loved at least three sports teams before I loved a girl, and I don't think that's uncommon at all for most guys. So, without further ado, here's the top 5 reasons that men love sports teams more than they love women:

#5: Our sports teams will always be there.

Like I said above, I've loved the Twins since '91, the Vikings since '98 and the Timberwolves since '99. They're all still around. The first girl I loved? Long gone. Now, there is the rare occasion where a team moves (most recently, Seattle, more locally, the Northstars) and I can only imagine that would be crushing. But those sports teams moving are the exception, not the rule. Things not working out with a girl you love? Not all that uncommon.

#4: We always get a second chance.

Most of the time, when a woman breaks a man's heart, that's the end of the relationship. She moves on, doesn't look back, and the poor sap is stuck missing some girl he thought loved him. Unfortunately, a guy's ego is really the only reason he misses the girl. He's unhappy that he doesn't get another chance, his ego can't handle the fact that this girl can just move on so easily. With sports teams, we always get a second chance. When the Vikings lost the '98 NFC championship, it stung. When they lost to the Saints in '09, it stung. It even broke some hearts. But guess what? The Vikings played a full season in 1999. They played a full season in 2010. I was able to cheer for them just as hard the next season. I think because women often don't give men second and third chances when they screw up, we have no problem giving our favorite sports teams passes for years of futility.

#3: It's cheaper to love a sports team.

Unless you're one of those crazy people who spends their life savings turning their pickup truck into a Vikings helmet, it's not expensive to love a sports team. You can buy a hat, or a jersey, or tickets to a few games, but generally the price of loving a sports team is cheap, especially considering a hat or a jersey will last for years.

Dating a girl? It can be expensive. I'm not saying girls are gold-diggers, just that dating someone costs money. Going to dinners, getting drinks, seeing movies, birthday and Christmas (or Hanukkah) presents, among other things, it all adds up. Even if your girlfriend pays for things half of the time (not uncommon), that's still going to be more expensive than loving a sports team. Most men won't go to expensive dinners, movies or buy presents for people unless they're in a relationship.


#2: They encourage us to drink with our friends.

Whether we're tailgating before the game, watching the game at a buddy's house or at the local sports bar, our favorite sports teams are constantly encouraging us to hang out with our guy friends and get drunk. The only woman that would happily allow us to do that? One that's fooling around.


#1: We can yell at them as much as we want to.

When a quarterback makes a throw across his body that gets intercepted, I can yell as many four letter words I want at the TV. If I'm at the game, other fans have probably beat me to the yelling, hoping the quarterback will hear them. When a shortstop boots an easy double play ball that allows a runner to score, I can say derogatory things about his mother or sister and nobody cares. The anger is short-lived and entirely off-base, but it's accepted.

If our girlfriend steps on our brand new Madden game and shatters it? She'll apologize, but we won't ever know if it was actually an accident. Unless we want to start a fight that will end up being about much more than simply that Madden game, we know to tell her it's okay, we'll get a new one, it's just a video game. But all we want to do is scream at her and ask her how she can step on something that literally has the sun shining on it through the window. Of course, that would be frowned upon by our society, and most people would probably think we're crazy.